My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
