jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
