How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize
