The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
