He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
