Banned from zoo.
Again?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
