So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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