god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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