Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
