Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
