Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
