that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
