The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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