His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
