dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
