The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He? As in you personified your dick?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
