So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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