so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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