I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
