what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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