this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
