how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think my moral compass just broke
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
