i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
