A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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