So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
