Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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