I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
