Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
