3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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