This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
