Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
