I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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