did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
