The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
