So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
why do cheetos always look like penises
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
