Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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