I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
