you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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