I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
