Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
