We need to rekindle our bromance
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
