Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
