your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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