I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Enjoy the penises
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
