i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
