Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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