If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
