i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
be right there i have to get my cape
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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