'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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