I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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