I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
