I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
