Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
