first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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