it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
