i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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