i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
