bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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