i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
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Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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