I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
