five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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