Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
