Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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