3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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