Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The beer is more important than you right now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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