ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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