Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
