this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
