Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
