you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
