Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
