Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
