in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
