I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
