Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
my poor anus
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
