I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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